Cancer - What I Know Now

I am a Cancer Warrrior, I was diagnosed with BRCA1 Triple Negative cancer in 2008. Only 2% of women diagnosed with breast cancer have this combo, it’s the deadliest of cancers and the survival rate is not good. I was given a 5% chance of still being alive in 5 years, it’s 9 years and I’m still here.

This Is What I Know

Cancer is a rollercoaster. 

Cancer is shit.

Cancer is expensive.

Cancer will break you into little pieces.

Cancer will change you.

Cancer will lead you to a better life…if you let it.

You don’t have to let cancer define you. You can tame cancer and be the master of your cancer journey. You can take your power back from cancer. That’s what I did. 

I am well and healthy, and more importantly I am happy. 

I am 9 years done the track and I finally feel like I’m off the emotional rollercoaster that cancer takes you on. I’ve accepted the changes in my life, in my body and my soul. I have worked hard to use my mind and spirit to heal the wounds that cancer left me with, and I’ll can tell you it was gruelling and fucking hard and really bloody lonely, but I did it. And so now I am here to tell you my story. I hope that it will help guide you along your path and emerge a stronger, fiercely beautiful soul.

This is my truth. It may not be your truth. 

But I have been there. I have waited anxiously in doctors’ waiting rooms. I have sat up in hospital beds with tubes coming out of me doped up on morphine wondering where I was. I have endured the scans, the MRIs, the ultrasounds, the blood tests, the pain, the bills, the panic attacks. I have worried if I was going to live or die. I have cried until I have given myself a hangover (I didn’t know this was even possible). I have been in the dark emotional hole thinking I would never feel good again. I have looked at my scar and wondered if a man would ever love me again. 

And I have also known the pure joy it is to be alive. I know the moments that count. I have cried tears of happiness. I have lived fearlessly, because when you think you might die and confront your own mortality, you don’t sweat the small stuff. You leap of cliffs and see if you can fly.

You too will be happy and fly, because you’re stronger than you think.